frustration

It seems like it gets harder and harder for me to live the way I want.
I want to be able to go out to the movies and to restaurants, to go swimming at the public pool and to visit friends and meet new people

But I can't be sure I won't start screaming or cause a scene. It makes me so anxious. And mad. Mad that so many people stop and stare at me - like I don't belong if I can't be quiet.

I want to be quiet. Believe me. It develops so quickly and I can't stop it. Even when I am feeling very happy I can still get loud. So loud. It gives me headaches.

I wish it would get better